i really really really liked you and i really wish i could go back in time and tell you that i felt like my heart was soaring whenever i noticed the way your eyes crinkle behind your glasses when you smile or all the dumb jokes you'd make to keep me laughing. i remember how happy your notes would make me and the way i'd read them over and over in bed, feeling my chest grow tight with giddiness. i liked you so much i couldn't fall asleep at night, which had never happened before. i think we could have been great and wonderful if only the timing and everything else worked out, but nevertheless, i am so happy i got to know you and get to see you in love now, even if it's with someone else.
i missed those times when you would secretly, and constantly, stare at me. because your stares are always full of genuine curiosity and something that i just can’t put into words. then, i would stare at you back. cue the flushed faces, hearts beating in the speed of light, and a million things going around our heads.
—the girl with the red kebaya
It’s about connection. It’s not about the material. For me it’s lying together listening to music on the living room floor. Sharing a cheap bottle of wine with candles on a Friday night. Just walking together holding hands. Listening to each other, and really fucking hearing them what the other person is trying to tell you. It’s about arguing constructivly and making up. It’s about really sharing yourself with another completely and honestly.
I realize that I have a terrible tendency to yearn for someone good, humble, and kind and the moment I find them, I push them away.