I don't know what happened today

but I think I love you

My friends say I deserve the world, but all I want is you.

That can't be too much to ask right?

I wish I could meet the person who is reading this, smile, hold his or her hand, kiss them on the cheek, and then just look a long time into their eyes while thinking loving thoughts.

Meaningful moments are everything. I wish I could make one with you right now.

abort

ABORT

G R O W I N G F E E L I N G S

you have this habit of falling asleep on the bus.

i think i'm falling in love.

I don’t know the word for what you are. It’s greater than beautiful. It’s more like I’m drawn to you, I guess, like the moon is to the Earth is to the sun, like all the stars aligned and I’m hurtling towards you at a million miles a minute. There is a brightness all about you, an unnerving kindness, a gentleness, a lovingness emanating from every inch of your aura. It’s disarming in the best way. You’ve got this golden glow about you, this unfaltering confidence in who you are that makes everyone around you settle comfortably into who they are, too. I love that. I love that. I love you.

Your green eyes, your golden hair, the blush on your cheek every time my eyesight touches you, those small lips, your sexy accent and your curves...... is this what God’s handwriting looks like? 

The Chem Prince

FINALLY

IM FINALLY IN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

MY PARTNER IS SO CUTE

AND PERFECT

AND I LOVE THEM

AND THEY TREAT ME SO WELL

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Maddee

at least i can say that i loved you as much i could. that i didn't give up on our problems, on trying to work things out, on loving you as much as i could. it was only until i realized that we had a problem that neither of us could fix.

i couldn't make you love me back. and it's something i learned the hard way.

i so desperately wanted for us to work out. perhaps it was that hope that my first love would be my last. i think i just thought you were just a really great person and to lose you would be terrible. i wanted to hold on to you, but you couldn't love me back. especially when you didn't love yourself. and i get it.

it's not something i can change or force on you. and even though i get it. it hurts so much. and it's probably just the withdrawals of not having you here anymore. it makes me feel like i'm dying at times - suffocating in your absence.

but i know... i'll get over it. and time will pass. and i will move on, get better, and things will be okay. eventually. and they'll be okay for you too. (: and i trust that one day, we'll both be okay. and as much as i deserve someone who loves me wholly, you do too. and i hope that at that point, maybe you'll be able to do the same.

i love you. and i miss you. but we weren't meant for each other.

My dad died in January. I just stumbled across a small video I filmed of him at the last birthday he ever had, in 2017. He didn’t like to be filmed/videoed, so it’s the last live film I have of him. The most important 19 seconds of my life. I keep playing it over and over.