i always yearned for a love like this. one that would swallow me whole. leave me breathless, begging for more. one that could put a hundred suns to shame. one that could bring the moon to its knees every night.

she is the sun. she is the moon. she is the sky. she’s left me completely captivated. she inspires me endlessly. her skin makes me want to write poetry, her lips make me want to sings songs, her eyes make me want her to be the only thing i ever look at again.

how can a person be so magnetic. it’s like she has her own center of gravity. i want to fall, completely & blindly in love.

it would be an honor to have my heart broken by you.

Kind, patient, funny, charismatic, smart, open, vulnerable, selfless, sweet. This is how I see you. Hope you also see yourself like this.

the craving never stops. it dulls for a time. you may find someone to marry, and it is satiated for a bit. but when things become comfortable, the craving returns. the need to be needed. to be pursued and kissed passionately. they say a woman wilts when uncherished; but I am a cactus. i can endure all neglect. i can wear it like an elegant coat. but inside is dry and rotted. a hollow space where the craving fills up.

I hope you know this.

the problem was never because I didn’t love you. I love you too much. and that’s why it hurts me so much. if someone saw even half of how I saw you, they would fall for you too.

I know we hurt each other. and I saw your darkest sides, but i still love you. every part of you. every part that hurt me. every part that loved me like no one else has. but i can’t stay anymore. I just want love for you. even if that love can’t come from me.

please don’t forget me. that’s my last selfish request.

Hey,

I'm really proud of you today.

I’ve heard that thoughts are like plants. The more you think on them and water them, the more they grow. Finally if you stop watering them, and let them rest eventually they will wither and disappear.

So here I still am watering this stupid plant of you.

But I’m done. I’ve had enough of it all. I’m tired of putting all my effort into seeing you, talking to you, following you around like a love sick puppy, learning that you dance for plants growing through the sidewalk cracks, and you're ticklish on your back.

For you to do absolutely nothing in return.

It was stupid of me to think I was anything more than a fling.

My heart is crushed but I will survive.

Enough is enough.

i look for pieces of our story in ever letter, hoping you write poems about me, rather us. i fear i’m holding you back.

If you're reading this YOU ARE LOVED


I can still get a chemical reaction by imagining holding you close and looking into your eyes lovingly. Literally get a hit of oxytocin or whatever just from doing that. Should stop doing it if I wanna get over you but a big part of me doesn't. It's madness.

It's like, when I saw you, I saw beyond your physical appearance. With everyone else it's just that, their physical appearance, nothing more. And that's partly what fucked me up. I still can't describe it. It's like looking into something without intending to.

I never told you how intimidating it was to be near you.