It's over now, isn't it.

On the positive side, we hugged.

And I initiated it! :D

  • I feel so stupid
  • it’s called imagination for a reason — he never actually liked me back
  • I want to undo that post

I went back and reread a bunch of my old letters tonight. It felt almost like I was looking at a time capsule. It's interesting how fast time passes and how much things change. It's interesting to see the old me and how I used to have different interests, different insecurities, different problems, even different ways of talking. 

I used to be so scared of not getting good grades, losing friends, being ugly, and being single forever. 

Now I've graduated. The toxic friends have long gone, and I'm left with friends I'm genuinely thankful for. I've gained confidence in my looks, and grades are a thing of the past. My concerns are now about my future - how to get a job, how to pass those stupid interviews, how to continue developing my career interests while working. What to do about my living situation soon, when to move in with my boyfriend. 

I feel really old, and I want to turn back time and go back to being naive and young. I want to be a fresh-faced freshman in college again, with high hopes and dreams and a tendency to love cheesy words. 

My future seemed so bright then. Now it feels dark. Like a black wall. I'm terrified.

I hope that in a few years, I'll be able to look back at this time with fondness. My time in college was quite the journey. 


-Sayuri

You are broken. You are shattered to the very core. You've left a piece of your heart in every person who left, who said goodbye. They broke your trust, their promises.

But you are strong. Take back those pieces and maybe you won't be as you were before. But you'll be a mosaic. A mosaic of beautifully pieced together fragments. You may not have the untouched purity of before your pain. But now you are art. Your scars have created a masterpiece.

Remember that. Remember that when another person hurts you. Just smile, because you know they have only added to your beauty, your strength. You have grown because of them.

Smile. Smile because life is still looks beautiful through broken glass. Yes, maybe a little warped. Maybe a little strange. Maybe a little different. But still beautiful. In the fucked up, crazy, absolutely insane sense.

why is it hard for me to talk to guys? I will admit I am usually shy when I am around people I don’t know. But it doesn’t take me long to open up when a conversation gets going and it’s of something of interest. I’m very outgoing when around girls and guys but once I see a guy I think is cute I clam up. I really lose my cool and don’t know how to function, I’m sure I make it obvious as hell too!

there is this guy I’m interested in and it’s really funny because he literally just started coming back to mind recently. I havent seen him in a really long time actually. I’ve never even spoken to the guy.

He was actually in one of my classes and I recognized him. I heard about and seen him around town and on social media but never really spoke to him or anything.

When I found out he was in my class I freaked out and didn’t know what to do.

He sat across from me in class so I was always trying to remain calm but a sis was screaming inside. One particular day we got out of class early as soon as we finished our assigment. It was a group assignment I was mid way through mine and I saw he was finished and I was trying to find an excuse to bump into him to actually speak to him.

He just kept standing at the door of the classroom as if he was waiting and so I started packing my book bag and looked up and he was still standing there so I was trying to move quickly to get to him. As soon as I had everything all packed and ready to go I look up and he’s walking away 😩

It was the only opportunity I had to run into him and talk to him and I blew it

I see him all the time on twitter and think about following him but I don’t know if it’s weird to do that cause we don’t really know each other?

I just wanna get to know the guy 

why cant I be bold

I still subconsciously compare everyone to you.

Kind of went through a crisis today. Shifted through all the people I’ve ever been interested in and thought about the very few (one, or two) people that I had an actual connection with and got very, very afraid for a few (very long) moments that I would never be able to find that chemistry and sense of comfort with anybody else.

Do you miss those times? Do you miss spending time with me as much as I miss spending time with you? Why don't you ever leave my mind?

it’s gotten to the point where love songs make me feel like i’ve swallowed our warm afternoon in the butterfly exhibit

to the point where i know what colour your eyes are, and more importantly, what similes fit them

to the point where i can feel my mind grip my heart and say “no, no, you’re not going anywhere” as it tries to jump when i think about seeing you again

i feel like i’m at the top of a hill, like the moment where

have you ever gone snow tubing before? you wait forever in line to go up the climb to the hill and then wait again forever to go back down

it’s the moment where you’ve finally climbed up, finally come to your turn in line to go down, finally sit in your tube after a full half hour in the cold, and wait for the moment to be pushed

or...to turn back.

you’re scared and excited all at once

it’s gotten to that point.

Blue.