Whatever you are. I know you loved me at least a little. I saw it in your eyes I felt it. I know you'd never say it. But I knew.
I fantasize about feeling like I'm allowed to touch you.
Rest my hand on your shoulder
Rub your back
Hold your arm
I want to envelop you
I don't really know if there's anything there. I don't know if I'm reading too much into the way you go out of your way to show up for me, the way you laugh at my jokes, the way you gaze into my eyes. When I'm with you, the air around me feels electric, and there's a part of me that thinks maybe, just maybe, you felt it too. But it's not like you call, or ask how I'm doing. People say that you're just too shy, or just too caught up in your work to do anything with romance — that you'll come around eventually. But it's been two years now.
I almost want to tell you how I feel, but what if I made everything up in my head? I don't know what's worse: making you uncomfortable and making a fool out of myself, or leaving everything up in the air like this.
i deserve a love that is so pure. that sweeps me off my feet. a love that is sleepy, patient & kind.
i've had to pick up the pieces of myself that u broke. and in those pieces i saw my reflection staring back at me. i saw her and i thought, "god, she deserves so much better than this".
so heres my letter universe. officially telling u that i deserve better and i will accept better things.
Uggg.. I'm so down bad that I keep reading these messages and imagining that they're about me from you- but I showed you this website once and you said it was weird and cringe... little do you know I'm here writing these about you💕
When you realize no one cares about you is when you just..stop. No one loves you, no one cares, no one wants you, no one wants you around. When no one just loves you is tragic. To know that not a single person would ever notice your absence or can accept you aren't coming back that's when you know it's over. From the people I begged to love me to having no one on my side. Only way to feel these feelings out is being numb. I've been numb my whole life. I'll get what I deserve but holy fuck I thought stars made up your eyes, the sun radiated from your soul, a heart as magnetic as the moon and tides it arose in my eyes, galaxies and constellations scattered over your body. You'll never know that. No one ever does.
I have liked you for 8 months. I have been in love with you for 5. And it's not getting easier. I thought I was used to liking someone from the sidelines, I was fine with the others so why is it so hard to love you from here?
I know it's not your fault. It's not mine either. It's not like I don't want to tell you, it's just that I can't. Not now. Not yet. I have to wait. 5 more months and then all hell breaks lose, if I get enough courage to tell you.
You are amazing. I know you don't see yourself like that which hurts me more than it should. I want you to see yourself how I do. You are beautiful, generous, smart, funny, and responsible. And although you choose not stand out and you prefer to keep quiet and unnoticed, I think everyone should see how amazing you actually are but I'm also afraid that when they do, they'll fall in love with you too and I'd have no chance at all.
Kolt, I think about you all the time. It's getting embarrassing the amount of times I think about you throughout a day. You are the first thought in my head when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep. I think about holding your hand, I think about hugging you when I feel tired or sad or helpless, I think about how it would be like when you say that you like me too, and I think about spending the rest of my life with you. It scares me how much I like you, it scares me that my feelings for you will overwhelm you. I know that the idea of love is very different from actually creating a relationship, I'm not delusional. I know it's not going to be easy because it never is. It takes hard work for a relationship to prosper and bloom and to last for eternity. I am willing to take that risk. I'm willing to work it out with you.
I'm not perfect and you aren't either, you have your flaws and I have mine, too. It's okay, I can take it. If it means being able to love you the way you deserve to be loved and taken care of. I have too much love to give and I want to give it all to you... if you would let me. It's crazy how much painful it is to be so close to you but not be able to do anything. Only to look into your eyes and hold the stare longer than I should, smile at you a little too much, laugh at your jokes when they really aren't that funny, give you compliments that wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable, help you with anything and everything that you need the best way I could, and try my best to see you because you see me too.
I know you do, you try to hide it but I know you are aware of me as I am aware of you. In your little subtle ways, I see that you care about me, too. So although I am still unsure about whether or not you can reciprocate, and if in the future, you wouldn't be able to, at least I know that some time right now, there is a time when you cared about me, too.
I love you.
You are the epitome of everything I have ever wanted in another human being. You are gorgeous inside and out, and I'd move the heavens and earth just to be with you for a day.
I still like you after all these years. what do I do when I feel this much and I don't even see you anymore?