I should know better. Only a crazy person would keep trying the same thing hoping to get a different result. The writing on the wall is in plain black and white. You're straight. You won't ever look at me the way I look at you.

Call me crazy, I'll keep digging myself deeper into this hole out of my obsession with you.

I want to tell you how much I appreciate you. Because I do. I don’t know if you get letters like this often, maybe you do, but you need to know how much I care for you. I want you to be happy and I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve received and maybe the pain that I’ve caused you. Thank you for being a friend. It’s alright if you don’t feel the same way about me, I get it. I just think you should know how I feel. Thank you.

People who obsessed over the same person for years. I've been there. And the thing I learned is that it's not about them, your happiness and your future does not depend on them, only depends on you. There's no such thing as the one, or at least not in the way the movies and books tell you. If you're longing for them for years and they don't see you like that, you're not the one for them, therefore they're not the one for you. The one is the person with whom you mutually choose to give all of yourself to the other. The one who sees you for who you are and chooses to love all of it. It's your choice, always. And if you're convinced that the person who doesn't love you back is the one for you, and you think you're destined to be waiting for them forever, it's not destiny, it's the choice you made. It's not some torture you must go through, it's not a noble cause, it's only your choice to be miserable, to be heartbroken, to never heal. You may think this is what you deserve, but you're wrong. You can always choose otherwise. Takes time, and effort, but you can do it, no matter how impossible it may seem this moment. It's the work to let others in that's the hardest, but when you do it you will be surprised how much love you can give to others. I'm not saying you'll forget about them completely, the ones we loved will always have a small hold on our hearts, but it will transform into a love that's not obsessive, a love that is pure and accepting and peaceful. With time you will become open for others, you can and will fall in love again when you let yourself. Please let yourself.

I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much.

I can't fathom the reason why my body still cripples when she shows up on the screen of my phone. Her gaze is the same, as well as her height. Her hair is freshly cut and it draws a sturdy straight line on her back, visible even though her body is moving. How can it be so perfect? I suddenly realize, I've never paid attention to her dancing. It just captivates me, I am enthralled by her movements, her footwork. How have I never noticed it before? Just like that, my heart is pacing while my mind is like not again. Anew, I am dropped into a trap I built myself. I am still holding onto something that used to exist. Something that, genuinely, never existed. Something that, maybe, could've existed. While my neurodivergent brain was trying to process my depression, I saw her as the only light. And to this day I can't let go of the idea I had (and unconsciously have) of her.

I was thinking of her during the solar eclipse today. I know she was watching it, too.

I felt like the universe was aligning just for us - me and her, a special moment where everything else faded away, and it was just her and me in the midst of something extraordinary.

Anyone with eyes, and ears, and a soul, can see, hear and feel that you are beautiful. Some things go without saying.

Or rather,

leave you speechless and breathless.

I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me.

Years have passed and we both have changed yet you will forever remain my person in my eyes.

I have come to the realization that regardless the amount of people I get with, no one will ever compare to you. It sucks because I don't want to long for you anymore but here I am. Realizing I could meet a thousand people but they just wouldn't be you. Things may feel good but not right.

You may not miss me and possibly have forgotten about us yet I can't seem to forget the special place you took in my life.

All those sweet words... you may have said them in the moment, but I think about them all the time.

I hate how I met you at such a young age and I hate how I've been doomed to miss you since.

I miss us. Whatever "us" was. I just want it back. It made me happy. Added to my life without blowing it up. Now it's just an obsessive mess. I have to question what it was, why I miss it? Am I in love with you? Are you in love with me? I try to put all these labels on it. Fit it into a box of known relationship constructs, but it's just not working.

Nothing works since we parted.

I just miss us.