We have got to stop fixating on one guy that does the bare minimum to capture our attention.

He may text you everyday but what is he texting you? Is he asking you questions about your life, goals, dreams, past, etc? Is he telling you about his? Does he remember the details and send you things that are meaningful to you? Like a book recommendation. A song he thinks you’d love. An interview he knows you’d be into. Does he send articles to ask your thoughts on that thing?

When he finds out certain things you like, does he up the effort to demonstrate those things? Maybe you mentioned that you love guys that are musically inclined and he just so happens to play the piano. Does he send you videos of him playing the piano? You told him you love pepsi and slim Jim’s. Does he randomly bring that to you when you see him? You said your favorite color is purple. Have you caught him wearing something purple the next time you meet up?

Is the momentum picking up or is it staying the same? Do you feel like you’re getting progressively closer to knowing him on a deeper level? Is he opening up more? Being vulnerable? Shortened the time between responses? Maybe threw in a goodnight text that became habit?

Is he protective of you? Does he walk you to your car when you’re out with mutuals because he doesn’t want you walking through a dark parking lot alone? If you’re out late, does he text to make sure you got home safely? If a creep is being weird with you, does he step in? Does he remind you to eat? Offer his jacket if you’re cold? See your need for something and get it? Like goes and gets you a chair if you’ve nowhere to sit. You mention your phone is about to die and he goes to find a charger for you. You say you have a headache so he finds medicine. He sees you’re at your limit on drinks and encourages you not to get that last shot or two in.

Does he bring any romance or intimacy into the equation? Like do you find that you’re always hanging out at bars and parties or is he actually trying to get alone time with you? Maybe a hike. A trip to a park. A museum. The movies. Somewhere that the two of you can connect more. Does he show you love songs that subliminally hint at his feelings? Pick you a flower? Randomly put his arm around you?

Entire wars were started over a man’s love for a woman. Borders literally shifted because of a woman. Empires rose and fell because of women. Men were out there building monuments for women. There is almost no length a man wouldn’t go to pursue a woman he actually cares about. All of this confusion and mixed signals are just cop outs. They don’t exist. It’s a fabrication.

I’m not saying he won’t get frustrated with you or even need space at times but when a man really cares about a woman he is going to always be in pursuit of her. He won’t do anything to jeopardize her moving onto someone else. When you know, you know. There is nothing that gets in the way of his feelings. And while we are all caught up on guys that are only mildly interested in us, we are missing out on a seriously special connection with a man that will move heaven and hell to be with us.