She's not exactly a knockout, but there's something about her, you know? She's got this kind of... glow, I guess.  It's not flashy, but it makes her stand out.  Simple, but damn, she's gorgeous.

Hello!

Crush kita pero hindi ako aamin. Bakit ako aamin? Sino ka ba?

you're so gorgeous

I had a great dream.. 😏. Your hands were on my hips, my arms were wrapped around your neck. My heart was beating so fast as your lips touched mine…. then I woke up. Maybe one day. ❤️‍🔥

OMG THE LOVELY RUNNER?

okay fine. FINE I’LL WATCH IT.

so soft. i think forehead kisses are the best too.

screaming into pillow kind of kilig. kicking your feet up in the air kinda kilig yeah.

- pinkfluffyclouds

dear pouriya, i miss talking to you like how i used to. i don't know why you're not talking to me. i guess i got boring or awkward. sorry. maybe we can talk like we used to in another universe. i miss being your friend.

Maybe I’m just being ungrateful?


Nothing wrong with calm still waters every know and then, right?


Perhaps a time to self-reflect?

Energy (in general) is feeling stagnant.

oh.

i love little women. but lol i really don’t remember when Jo said that she wouldn’t write about something that’s not important. to which Amy responds…things start to matter when someone writes about them.

lol this feels like the beach scene with Beth. like where is the sister that literally burned Jo’s drafts spitting this wisdom from ahaha.

but okay if it is, then that is some mad character growth. and i’m happy to acknowledge it. but also now i have this intense desire to scour the books. you know, surprisingly, Little Men? when they all have kids and are grown now…was one of my favorite sequels to the main story. but yes, i think it’s good to be intentional in your writing.

sometimes…because i keep it all in. i write from an emotional perspective. frustration? anger? hurt?

aha sometimes i just…need to put it somewhere. i’ve been learning a lot that your feelings are valid tho. your actions and behaviors…not always. so it makes me wonder if i forget to put importance in my writing. perhaps it’s why i avoid the real reflections in my journal or it takes me longer to get there. i write in this roundabout way sometimes that betrays my true feelings so it makes me wonder…if i’m truly feeling or i’m still trying to write this pretty wall of fluffy words…that makes it sound like i’m doing alright even if i’m struggle with the acceptance part.

hmm i hope i always write about things that are important to me too.

aha kinda emotional but i was starting to feel the build up of emotions towards the end of the day. my work is emotional and mental. so it often feels…different but i always keep in mind that my mom’s is a combination hearing customer’s bark at her rudely and having to carry heavy items sometimes. she’s so tiny. but just cause she’s small…doesn’t mean she is. and i remember that my dad’s is twice the physical labor—twice because aha…he doesn’t do his third job anymore. he’s gotten a bit tired. and for a very patient man…it takes a lot. so because of my parents, i know i can bear it.

but it was this little overflow in my chest. i was tired…and i wanted to be alone but also…not? i remember saying dang i feel alone…but also remembering that when you do…you’re supposed to talk to God.

and in prayer i lift it up. so ahaha. it felt kinda silly but i was thinking how some people are so lucky. to have someone who knows them. who makes the effort to understand them. who wants to make you feel reassured. i kept thinking lol where can i find that? i think i wanted so badly to focus on this relationship with God that it’s hard for me to notice when He shows His love through the vessel of others in my life. whether it’s inspiration to pursue my dreams or work hard, or inspiration to draw close and be vulnerable and pray it all to Him.

haha…i also forget that God knows me. and God hears my heart when it’s aching. and anyways i’m just grateful. i heard some really good advice from people this week. pretty quiet compliments of understanding…ways that i’m seen. and i…aha. oh i’m loved.

i hope i learn to stop running away from it. i also hope i learn to stop thinking i have to carry shit by myself aha. and that also…that love from others is sincere.

- pinkfluffyclouds

July 25, 2024


hello, kashieca. if someday, and may that day come, you stumble upon this letter, please know that i tried. you are already aware of what i feel about you, although i never really told you anything. the reason why i kept everything to myself was because i thought it wasn’t the right time and that i'm not where i should be to be worthy of and for you. i tried. to this day im trying. i may never be so special to you, but even then, i'm doing it for you, my wonderwall, my shieca.


-bene