i’m sorry for realizing too late that you were the one for me. i’m sorry for taking advantage of your kindness and sweet, sweet love. i’m sorry for wasting your time and not taking you serious. i never really believed in love, thought this generation was incapable of it. so i focused on never staying attached, and if i did; i’d quickly leave and move on to the next person to mess with. that’s exactly what i did with you and i regret it so very much. 

i most definitely do not deserve your forgiveness or any access to you back. you’re pure, genuine and wonderful while i’m mostly just a dark cloud in comparison. i know nothing will ever excuse how i fucked up and mistreated you. i wish things could’ve been different and i had just told you what was really going on instead of shutting everybody out. i guess that’ll always be a mystery to you.. a part of me hopes you won’t ever move on as i but that would be far too selfish. 

you deserve more than anything i could offer, or any average person for that matter. you have undoubtedly left a huge, deep mark on me. i’m praying in some whimsical way you’ll come across this post and resonate with it, secretly hoping it’s me. i doubt that though since this is pretty out of character for myself, i couldn’t even write you a paragraph after all. maybe one day we’ll cross paths again, even if we’re wrinkled and old. 

i truly am sorry and always will be for how things turned out, 

i love you.

We have got to stop fixating on one guy that does the bare minimum to capture our attention.

He may text you everyday but what is he texting you? Is he asking you questions about your life, goals, dreams, past, etc? Is he telling you about his? Does he remember the details and send you things that are meaningful to you? Like a book recommendation. A song he thinks you’d love. An interview he knows you’d be into. Does he send articles to ask your thoughts on that thing?

When he finds out certain things you like, does he up the effort to demonstrate those things? Maybe you mentioned that you love guys that are musically inclined and he just so happens to play the piano. Does he send you videos of him playing the piano? You told him you love pepsi and slim Jim’s. Does he randomly bring that to you when you see him? You said your favorite color is purple. Have you caught him wearing something purple the next time you meet up?

Is the momentum picking up or is it staying the same? Do you feel like you’re getting progressively closer to knowing him on a deeper level? Is he opening up more? Being vulnerable? Shortened the time between responses? Maybe threw in a goodnight text that became habit?

Is he protective of you? Does he walk you to your car when you’re out with mutuals because he doesn’t want you walking through a dark parking lot alone? If you’re out late, does he text to make sure you got home safely? If a creep is being weird with you, does he step in? Does he remind you to eat? Offer his jacket if you’re cold? See your need for something and get it? Like goes and gets you a chair if you’ve nowhere to sit. You mention your phone is about to die and he goes to find a charger for you. You say you have a headache so he finds medicine. He sees you’re at your limit on drinks and encourages you not to get that last shot or two in.

Does he bring any romance or intimacy into the equation? Like do you find that you’re always hanging out at bars and parties or is he actually trying to get alone time with you? Maybe a hike. A trip to a park. A museum. The movies. Somewhere that the two of you can connect more. Does he show you love songs that subliminally hint at his feelings? Pick you a flower? Randomly put his arm around you?

Entire wars were started over a man’s love for a woman. Borders literally shifted because of a woman. Empires rose and fell because of women. Men were out there building monuments for women. There is almost no length a man wouldn’t go to pursue a woman he actually cares about. All of this confusion and mixed signals are just cop outs. They don’t exist. It’s a fabrication.

I’m not saying he won’t get frustrated with you or even need space at times but when a man really cares about a woman he is going to always be in pursuit of her. He won’t do anything to jeopardize her moving onto someone else. When you know, you know. There is nothing that gets in the way of his feelings. And while we are all caught up on guys that are only mildly interested in us, we are missing out on a seriously special connection with a man that will move heaven and hell to be with us.

we must have been soulmates in a life before this one - otherwise i cant explain what i feel & how im still so hung up on you

The only way you exist in my life now is as memories. Bittersweet memories of a friend and a very serious crush. I really do miss you and wish things had turned out differently. I feel so terrible about how awkward and stupid I was around you. If I could, I would go back and do it all differently. But I can't change the past no matter how much I wish about it. You were so special to me and always will be. But you'll never know and, let's be honest, it wouldn't make a difference, would it? You were with him before I met you and you'd be a fool to leave him for me. I need to let you go. I wish I had never fallen for you. I knew from the start it was a mistake and had no chance but my heart wants you anyway.

As much as I'm hurting over my person, I sincerely hope and pray she's not feeling the same. I hope that whoever she's with makes her very happy and that she's well taken care of. I'll always wish it was me doing that for her but that's not how it was meant to be.

If you read this, I hope you're not in love in vain. But if you are, I hope you'll find peace of mind, mending of your heart and someone who loves you back.

in another life i would’ve liked just doing laundry and taxes with you

My GOD it's so hard to talk to you when I'm so nervous that all my words are stuck in my throat. You're so beautiful and kind and you don't even know how much you can effect others.

Now that I'm lonely I want you. But when you were lonely I wasn't there for you. I'm not contacting you no matter how much I want to. You've suffered enough now it's my time

You're overhelming for all of my senses. When you're around I feel alive in a way I've never felt before. The blood rushes through my veins and my heartbeat goes crazy. I feel adrenaline, endorphins and all the good kinda hormones. Oxytocin without even the need of touching, because you're presence inself stirs something in me. Something fragile and precious. I am invested, because I understand your actions and habits out of the deepness of my own soul. We're similar, but on the same length we're as different as we could be.