i wish you knew how much i want to see you staring at me from the distance, knowing you're interested in the sight of my existence too

Every now and again I get this random wave of sadness, and then, I wonder if you're thinking about me too.

It's like we're both stuck at the traffic lights, yours is green, you're ready to move forward and progress in your journey. Mine is stuck on red, I'm eager to get to green but something is holding it up, I can't quite tell what it is, is it something in the distance?

I'm not sure, am I being held back for a reason?

Maybe this isn't what the future has planned out for me, for us?

I can only hope that somewhere along my journey I will bump into you again, and maybe then we'll be ready to continue the journey together. Or maybe it wont be that at all, but the route that I did take in hindsight works out and we'll laugh about it.

In every universe, in every life... for every Me that exists there is always a You they love. But occasionally, in some bleak eternities there is a Someone Else, and I find myself envious of those Others.

Sometimes I worry this is one of the You's who will love a Somebody Else, while I stand by and love you in silence.

i want to go back to the day that i first met you.

not because i want to have introduced myself differently, or because i want to have said different things, or asked different questions, but because you taught me that love doesn't always mean contact.

sometimes it means stolen glances and unfinished feelings and time lost in between the cracks of our unwritten pages. it means that letting someone go can be the right choice but can still rip you apart until the only thing holding you together is the very fragment of the name i learned at that party on that very day,

i want to go back to the day that i first met you

so i could tell myself not to go.

No one showed me how to love properly, trying to navigate this world without the correct resources will always lead you into inevitable heart break.

"they loved each other, but neither

would admit to the other they could:

as enemies, they saw each other,

and almost died of their love.

in the end they parted and only

saw each other sometimes in dreams:

it was long ago they had died,

but they scarcely knew it, it seems."

- heinrich heine

maybe this is the end that we saw coming but i still feel like we’re meant to be together in every life. i will find you again.

love, r

one day i’ll get over you.

one day i’ll stop wondering why you made that playlist or if everything was just coincidence. 

one day i won’t feel so one-sided anymore. 

it’s hard. but i’ll be there one day.

or maybe one day i’ll be brave.

maybe one day i won’t be so scared of my feelings anymore.

maybe one day i won’t be so afraid to try.

will i be too late then?

i miss seeing your name come up on my phone