I don't think I could ever, truly spill my guts out to you. And if I could it would be a result of being put under pressure. Little details are fine, but extensive history is a touchy subject. I'm just glad that I didn't let anything too personal slip off of my tongue.

dear pb,

I wish we could communicate as much as I listen to the song you sent me back in july. I am never going to be able to say this to your face but, it'd be such a bummer if college reopens later next year and I never get to see you again.

yours, jazz.

JB,

I wish I already knew whatever it is you came into my life to teach me about... because honestly, you suck and I have no idea why I'm in love with you. Like I don't even wanna keep talking to you especially. Because it's not like you're gonna magically change to how you were in the beginning. You pretended you were someone that you are not. You're a textbook narc.

How is that even possible, that I love you? I really feel like I do. Like... You really suck lol you're so selfish and self-involved, you don't care about people... Only good stuff you do is about others perceptions of you. And you're only interested in using other people to make yourself feel better... So why do I love you? Why do I care about how you are damaged and hurting and what makes you do these things? Why do I care about how you beat yourself up and criticise yourself and get angry and throw tantrums? Why do I want you to be secure and feel loved and contented?

Any LTCers please weigh in... I'm so screwed argh

You only dedicate your time to those who you deem “fun”.

I must be boring as shit.

dear a.l/ dolethel,

I’m not scared to admit that I’ve liked people after you. But it kills me to admit that I’ve been searching for pieces of you

in everyone that has come after. It’s especially pathetic when you take into account that I tried my best to make sure they were nothing like you.

You still haunt me, Dolethel.

-n

I finally caved and watched your video

You are hilarious

I believe things happen for a reason.

If it didn’t work out that it wasn’t meant to be.

I believe we should view having a partner as a choice.

yes, there’s probably someone that would work well with everyone. But it’s your choice to try to find someone or not to. There’s no such thing as destiny When it comes to relationships.

I believe we can bond our souls with each Other.

But soulmates and the belief it’ll just happen without the work? That’s not real or fair to anyone else.

We can choose to do the work it takes to find someone, or choose to be content with ourselves

Not saying this to be a bummer, just to be a realist... not everyone is meant to end up with a partner. Not everyone is the right sort of person to be half a couple. This won't stop you from desiring it, that's natural when you see it around you. But to be okay with being alone, rather than afraid of it or sad about it, I think this is where true power lies.

You and I are different in complementary ways. You’re calm and quite and I can be a little boisterous and loud. You like routines and I like being spontaneous. You play it safe and I take risks. But at our core, we want the same things. We feel big and love hard. I’m just more readily vulnerable with it than you are. We have chemistry. We do. You think it’s impossible for anyone to really know you but I know you. I may not know what you’re likely to order from a menu or what movie makes you cry or at least want to cry. I don’t know what triggers you and what scares you. But I do understand you on a level I can’t even explain. And you think that’s not possible. You think that’s a skill only you have. Reading people. Getting them while they never get you. I didn’t make this up in my head. I didn’t make you up. I understand you. Even your dark side. I see it and I love you regardless. With nothing in return, no expectations. In all of my daydreams of you it was never what I could get from you or how you made me feel. It was always what I could do for you to make your life better. A longing to care for you and be there for you to support whatever you do because you’re smart and capable and deserve to live your life the way you choose. You’re a special person and deep down you know you are. You know you’re different but you doubt it and would deny it if ever confronted with it. But I see you as something wonderful and spectacular, flawed as you are. You’re still brilliant. I don’t long for you like I used to. I no longer daydream about you all the time. I don’t feel that urgency anymore. It’s a calm, mellow, I’ll love you forever but I’m glad you’re happy kind of feeling.