Only in my most private moments am I willing to admit that I miss you. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about missing you but I do.
I spoke to my mother today, she said to me that she believes we only truly love once in our entire lives, that no matter how many partners we may have, we will always have that one true love. She thinks I just haven’t found my one yet, but what if I have? And what if it’s you? It’s a scary thought honestly, one that’s kept me up all night.
I believe that I truly loved you, so now I’m afraid I’ll never move on, and that I’ll be hung up on someone who didn’t love me the same way I loved them.
I’m at war with myself. I hate you and then I love you, I decide I never want to see you again only to then beg the universe to see you one more time.
I wish I could tell you all this. How much I miss you, how much I still love you. And I wish I’d hear the same. Ultimately I know that would do much more harm than good, there’s a reason we’re not together anymore. You hurt me in ways I’ve never been hurt before, so even if you still cared and still loved me I’d always be struggling with the thought of whether or not the bad outweighs the good.
Anyway, that’s enough from me. I truly hope you’re okay.
All my love and mixed emotions,