Perhaps it's the weight of the lies you told, yet the weightlessness of which you told them, that drove the wounds so deeply into my heart that it bleeds the same day in day out, never healing, never stopping. Every day has felt the same since you left, full not of regret but of resentment, hating not you but myself, understanding nothing yet hoping for anything. Or perhaps it is the suddenness of how you left - as unexpectedly as you arrived - that left me with no time to process what we've become, so immersed with living the moment to realize the moment was already gone.

They say life can only be understood backwards and lived forwards but the passage of time has provided neither understanding nor reprieve; if anything the farther the weeks and months become, from now back to the moment you said goodbye, the more hurtful the resignation becomes - that nothing more can be done. And at this point it's hard to discern which hurts more - the fact that you've always been a part of me even months after you left my life, even if i went from meaning everything to nothing to you in one night, or the understanding that i meant so little to you all this time that while i've been living through hell every day since you left, i've never even crossed your mind.

I wish I could just watch him sleep.

Then, as the dawn creeps through his window, gently play with his hair…and as he slowly wakes up, kiss his forehead, stare into his soft blue eyes with all the love and warmth I have for him, and then say “I love you.”

You're only nice when you wanna be

You always leave me wondering, wondering

It's not a simple as you and me

Can never tell if I'm in love with him or in lust with him

Please fight for us.

God, please help me, I'm in love with this man and this pain drives me insane.

But I'll honour his decision what ever it is. I just want him to be happy.

I bet they don’t feel the spark, they feel debilitated. I dress like darkness swallowed me whole, gave me a lair on my head and warped my tongue. One second they say they want something serious... then they’re like a hot drink in a metal glass if you get close. They’re discombobulating I’ll give them that.

I'm super popular at my workplace. Over the last few weeks since I started I have 4 admirers. I must be letting you go finally, because there's one that I think is kinda cute, same sign as you. It was his birthday and we've spoke casually around the workplace about work and ladida. He ushered me in close to show me stuff he was thinking about getting for his bday. That wouldn't mean much normally, but he didn't even tell anyone it was his birthday. The boss announced it to everyone and he def didn't like all the attention. But when he showed me what he wanted, I couldn't help but feel special. He included me in his bubble, and I know that meant something. The way he glances at me from across the room prioritising my reaction over other's when talking to multiple people, and the way he looks away when I look back, I know. And it makes me giddy. Nothing's going to happen between us, but I think he was the guy I needed to come into my life to show me that it is possible to feel this way without you being the one to make me feel this way. I'm so glad you left.

I think I might buy him a little something, just as a way to thank him for freeing me.

I wish society didn't push for romantic relationships over platonic ones because it's really the friends in your life that can change you forever. I have never been so grateful in my life, and I want to see you have deep and rich experiences to help further your own growth as a human being. I have been noticing all the little changes in you, even if they are very little. They all add up. And I've come to trust you, and be the truest version of myself around you- maybe you don't know that. But you've seen me at my worst days as much as my best ones, and every step of the way, you have done nothing but encourage me to still be the best version me in every circumstance. You have been a steady tree in my life, and your family has been so incredibly kind to me. Whether you see this and recognize my voice or not, I don't care. But I am so grateful for you, and I hope I have given you the same amount of love you have shown me.

Circe

We have each other blocked on everything else but my snap is still open for business. Hmu if you want. You'll probably be in town for Christmas. Yes, I am thirsty enough to actually think of these things in advance. Yes, I still think about you. Yes, I get jealous when I think about you with other young women, cause you're not in bed with me, and that makes me very angry. F*** you, but actually.

... I would like to...

- crazy ex gf

My heart hurts because of you. My chest aches. And I am freezing.

I was on the phone to one of my good work friends this morning and I said, "me and H talk everyday, all the time - but we don't like each other, plus he's got a girlfriend and we can't go there". She looked at me a with a smirk on her face and, like "yeah, right". I like H although I wont admit it, since we work together - I don't know how H feels about me... because well, he's in a relationship...but we are super close during work. Am I missing something?